Let the Kids Play
Last week we had yet another example of Parents Behaving Badly, this time with tragic consequences. Yaqub Talib is accused of fatally shooting Michael Hickmon in Lancaster, Texas after an altercation at a youth football game. Talib and Hickmon were coaching opposing teams when a scuffle broke out that escalated into a man losing his life. Shot to death at a youth football game. In front of a bunch of kids. Allegedly “over calls made by the officiating crew.” Think about that. A group of young kids first saw their parents and coaches start a brawl—over THEIR football game—and then some of those kids witnessed their coach get shot to death over it. Horrific.
While there’s a myriad of angles from which we could view this story, I want to look at it from the most fundamental perspective and make just one plea: Adults—STOP MAKING IT ABOUT YOU. You’re at a child’s game and you’re yelling at the opposing coach? You’re berating the umpire at your kid’s little league game? You’re throwing tantrums when the ball doesn’t bounce your way? You’re pulling out a gun and killing a man over something that happened at a 9-year old football game??? Get over yourself.
The only reason any of this stuff happens is because you’re being selfish and immature. You’re projecting your own ego and insecurity onto a child’s game. This isn’t Game 7 of the World Series and your next multimillion dollar contract does not hang in the balance. That guy you’re berating in front of a bunch of kids and neighbors? He’s a volunteer. He doesn’t need your crap. Do you think your kids are going to remember the bad call in the 3rd inning or the awesome snack after the game? Think your son is going to show that 9U football trophy to his grandkids someday? No, you’re behaving that way you are because YOU feel slighted. Because YOU feel disrespected or cheated. Because you think YOU deserve better.
Tragically, those kids in Lancaster are now going to have memories that haunt them for the rest of their lives. We can let the justice system play out and learn more facts about what happened on that field, but Talib represents an extreme example of an epidemic going on right now: parents and adults failing miserably at being role models because they can’t control their emotions or ego.
I believe in the importance of teaching athletes how to win. I believe in it at the professional level and I believe in it when coaching kids. But the part that’s important to teach is the how to win, not the win itself. Last year, I volunteered to coach my son’s tee ball team. At the beginning of the season, my goal was two-fold: I wanted the kids to have fun and I wanted them to win at least one game. Anything after that one win was gravy, but I wanted them to know what it felt like (in reality, they were oblivious to win or loss but were acutely tuned in to post game fruit snacks and juice boxes). As kids get older, there are times to push them a little harder to help them grow, to help them deal with adversity, and to teach them to compete. But there’s never a time to put yourself ahead of the kids.
That’s what these adults are doing. They’re not “sticking up for their kids”. They’re not “teaching them how to play the game the right way”. They’re yelling, they’re screaming, they’re fighting, and they’re embarrassing themselves. They’re also utterly failing our kids. How do we expect these kids to de-escalate conflict and treat each other with respect when we can’t check our ego enough to avoid brawling at a 9-year old football game?
Oh, and one other thing while we’re at it: your kid isn’t going to be a professional athlete (Yes, you. Sorry.). Odds are overwhelmingly against it. I will always encourage kids to chase their dreams and work hard to achieve them, but the reality is that these kids aren’t going to use Little League as a springboard to a Major League career. They’re not on the fast track to the NFL because they’re the top ranked 9u running back in their town. What they are going to carry with them, and why I’m such a proponent for youth sports, are the lessons learned along the way about sportsmanship, how to be a teammate, how to push their limits, how to cope with failure, and ultimately, yes, how to win. These are lessons that will help make them better neighbors, better professionals, and better friends.
If the grownups can stay out of the way, that is.